Emptiness

Contradictions are always present. I need something and then I don't need it. I need people's support, care, attention. And then I object. That makes me don't talk much, don't step up don't take the initiative, don't don't don't and so on .......  I also find it hard to put my thoughts into words quickly. It takes time ... It makes me feel insecure that I can't tell what I want and the person I'm talking to intentionally and deliberately either start doing something else or talking to someone else. 

I'm aware it's cringy. I'm aware it feels disgusting. I'm aware if feels like a teenager's diaries. I myself would never enjoy listening to someone complaining like this everyday. But, sometimes I would to be honest. 

When you tell people you have all these in you? How do you want them to react? 

Am I interesting to you?