TCaireneahmed

 You don't get the attention or respect you deserve. You find no purpose of contribution. Oppression is one thing that contributes in this. When you don't fit in you can't find a reason to live. We need a reason in anything otherwise we can't accept functioning without a purpose. Belief is what saves us. Believing that there is a higher purpose is the last 1% of the battery that keeps us alive or rather want to be alive.  You talk they aren't inclined. You shout you lose. You are the bad guy. You speak to them they don't pay attention. Then, you name the issue as they are your soft spot and you are willing to make it up with them. You expose it and define it !!! what then? You are a burnt card!  What do you do when you find no place? You either wipe about it or turn into a lone wolf. It's always ugly if you were an empath. Yourself is your enemy. You are insecure of being yourself .. accepting yourself .. and hence people do never accept an insecure person. ...

Contradictions are always present. I need something and then I don't need it. I need people's support, care, attention. And then I object. That makes me don't talk much, don't step up don't take the initiative, don't don't don't and so on .......  I also find it hard to put my thoughts into words quickly. It takes time ... It makes me feel insecure that I can't tell what I want and the person I'm talking to intentionally and deliberately either start doing something else or talking to someone else.  I'm aware it's cringy. I'm aware it feels disgusting. I'm aware if feels like a teenager's diaries. I myself would never enjoy listening to someone complaining like this everyday. But, sometimes I would to be honest.  When you tell people you have all these in you? How do you want them to react?  Am I interesting to you?