THRESHOLD

So let me tell you a bit of a story of a boy named He
 
He slowly walked unaware of the surroundings except for the sun rays at the last hour of the day on May the 19th. He stepped on the cold grass. He actually couldn't feel it but the air had a mild sting of cold so that he could tell that the grass is cold. He slowly watched the breathtaking scene of the sunrays caressing the grass the perfectly cut wood the tress the houses. 
He pictured the hins and rooster randomly walking slowly and barely crying. 

He looks at the mirror and he sees a man. A child looking at a man. He even feels scared of himself. He respects himself because he looks like a grown up man but that respects comes from the inner child that lives within his soul. He respects himself so much and tells himself that he can own everything if he opened his mouth. But the one who talks is the child. He is trapped in between his needs and his desires and his necessities to carry his family into a safer shore. He usually screws up and he got used to it. 
He founds out that writing is a hidden dark remote area for him to feel much better than suffering the agony of the truth. 
His head is a mess. It is like he lost the function of his brain. He has said that before and he is still sticking to his guns "the more you think deeply the more you won't be able to think anymore" think that your mind is like gears and the teeth are not sharp anymore, it basically won't rotate. 
He really disrespects the reality. Any social event isn't much important to him. Be it a graduation party, a birthday, a wedding, whatever it is, however, a funeral will gain his respect. 
He really needs to understand himself. You know people can talk about anything. 

Let me tell you a bit of a story now, He told me that he was in the service car going home and he had his bluetooth earbuds in his ear playing ear-splitting music. He wasn't paying attention to the reality. He ignored it on purpose and he wanted to live in his own world. He stared at the flash light on the next car, it was turning on and off and on and off. He stared at the leaves. He stared at other cars. He stared at different objects. He started to a level that made him feel important that he is a king in his own head.  He disrespected the reality too much to a level that he felt like he is on the top of it just because he feels so, just because he can just look at things and think how the world is worth the pity. Now he sits here and write about how his life is and he believes that he is a writer. He wonders what genre his writing would be!!
Then he was staring at the different objects outside of the service car window feeling so much important! He wonders why we don't talk about this? why people don't honestly talk about what is going in their heads! people can go so courageous to even ask each other to have an intimate relationship but they don't have the courage to tell how they feel.
He is pretty sure he is not alone in this world who is anti-social and has few friends or almost none. He is sure he is not the only one who is self conscious and awkwardly feels that the whole world is out to get him. He is pretty sure he is not the only one who feels insecure about his whole self including his ideas, possessions, name, clothes, body posture, body physique, voice, identity. People like him are safe within their heads only and in some occasions not even safe inside their heads. He needs to change. He needs to feel normal. 

I stayed with him for couple of hours and I told that his story really makes sense to me becuse I deeply believe that people are different and each one of us has their own world and own problems. Of course our problems isn't only money or a clean house or a good job where everybody we work with kisses our ass. Some people have problems like He. He is just a regular fella who lives too long in his own thoughts until he got completely wasted. 

He stayed in front of his computer screen staring at it for a couple of minutes. He was wondering what to do but nothing interests him. Nothing is attractive. Life seems meaningless with feeling down and depressed. This was his feeling for the day. He doesn't feel appreachiated or loved by his people. His students think that he isn't much. They think that he know nothing and that actually affected him.